Get Educated
- Pre-menopause – Contrary to what others may tell you, pre-menopause is not the period immediately prior to menopause. Pre-menopause refers to the entire period of time that a woman is able to reproduce.
- Perimenopause – This period can last up to 10 years but is usually a four-year period prior to menopause. Women typically enter this stage around age 47. In this stage, her ovaries reduce their release of eggs and their release of hormones like estrogen. In perimenopause, her periods will be erratic and inconsistent. Estrogen production will be unpredictable sparking symptoms of mood changes, anxiety and irritability. Periods of low estrogen will trigger hot flashes, vaginal dryness and diminished concentration. This will be a difficult stage for the both of you because symptoms are high and volatile.
- Menopause – Menopause does not refer to a period of time but rather a specific event. It is the date of her final period. You should not confirm the date of menopause until she has gone 12 consecutive months without having a period. Be sure to rule out other explanations like stress or health concerns for her missed periods.
- Post-menopause – Since menopause is the date of her last period, post-menopause is everything that happens following. Lowered levels of estrogen and progesterone are linked to long-term health problems. During this stage, she is at higher risk of osteoporosis and heart disease.
Ask Questions
Your attempts at education will only take you so far. To get more specific details, go straight to the source. Ask your wife about her symptoms, experiences, thoughts and feelings related to her menopause. The act of asking questions shows that you are interested and concerned. She will be happy to know that you are taking an active role in learning about her state.
Since you are asking questions about it, be sure to ask how you can help. Let her see that you are willing to spend effort and energy working to improve her well-being. Ask her about using cold compresses to combat hot flashes or night sweats. Ask her about situations or times that are worse than others to find suitable solutions.
While you’re at it, be sure to listen to the information she gives. Asking questions without paying attention to the answer shows that you are only going through the motions. This is rude and a sign of disrespect. Pay attention and write down the information to help your ability to recall it at a later time. A little listening now leads to big benefits later.
Empathize and Validate
Some aspects of menopause do not have easy answers. Men tend to want to “fix” problems. If the pipe is leaking, you patch it up. If the car is making a funny noise, you check it out. Unfortunately, physical and emotional issues are not so easy to repair. Rather than trying to “fix” your wife’s symptoms, take steps to empathize with her and validate her experience.
With empathy, you attempt to understand how someone is feeling and what they are going through by putting yourself in their shoes. Imagine what it would be like to have your body changing in drastic and unpredictable ways. Go on to imagine what it would be like to have emotional changes that you cannot control. Empathy is about understanding. It is not about pity or feeling sorry for them.
With validation, you let your wife know that her feelings are normal and natural. This is what happens during the stages of menopause. Remind her that she is doing the best she can. This support and understanding will go a long way towards her feeling justified.
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